


Virtues Turned to Vice

by allonsy_gabriel



Series: The Other 51 [11]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Authority Challenge, Essays, I'm Bad At Tagging, Let's Overthrow the Government!, Self-Reflection, The Most Pretentious Thing I've Ever Written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 06:56:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10962048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsy_gabriel/pseuds/allonsy_gabriel
Summary: I wish I could pinpoint the moment the people decided my virtues had turned to vices.





	Virtues Turned to Vice

**Author's Note:**

> Or, Yesterday I Got Super Pissed And Wrote

I wish I could pinpoint the moment the people decided my virtues had turned to vices. I wish I could look back and realize the second where all of the things I valued about myself became the roots of my self-loathing and self-doubt.

 

At six, I was not a smart ass, I was not stubborn or acerbic, I was not arrogant or unpleasant. I was outspoken, confident, clever, determined and witty. At eight, I was mature, opinionated, assertive and eloquent, if a bit distant and removed from others. At twelve, adults either found me delightful for being such a small thing who could carry on a conversation better than many adults or rude for being a child who thought they had the right to have a discussion with the grown ups.

 

And now, at fifteen, I am caustic, scornful and sardonic. By doing the same things I always have--expressing my beliefs and standing by them, being self-assured in my own intelligence, saying the things that come to my mind--I have created for myself the reputation of being cocky, conceited, obstinate, offensive and tactless.

 

It is not as if I have not learned manners and societal expectations in the last nine years. I speak when it is my time, I filter my thoughts before conveying them, I “agree to disagree”, and in most cases, I do not let relationships crumble due to opposing opinions. Yet, it is as if it does not matter how I speak or think, but that I  _ do  _ speak and think.

 

I am not thought of the way I am because I’m obnoxious in my beliefs, but because I have beliefs at all. I refuse to let others think for me or assume how I feel or push me into the background, and that has somehow made me the opposition. I’m not going to let someone else’s reasoning be my reasoning, and people can not accept that.

 

And that brings about a question: why teach children, why allow them to learn and grow if you do not want to see the results of that knowledge and growth? If you did not want me to believe I could be or do anything, why did you tell me I could? If you did not want me reading everything I could get my hands on, why did you teach me to read? If you did not want me hearing others’ ideas, why did you teach me to listen? If you didn’t want me to speak, why did you teach me to talk?

 

Even as I think these very things, I look around at this world I live in and I realize that these things I learned, things like the ability to make my own choices and to think for myself, are _not_ _actually_ being taught. I realize that, yes, I learned them, and so did many others, but for every person who was taught to form their own ideas, there is someone (or even multiple someones) who wasn’t. People are teaching children to rely on figures of authority for their opinions.

 

Every time an adult tells a child that somethings is true and that it is true because the adult  _ says _ it’s true, they are teaching that small, impressionable child that they should accept and believe whatever comes from people in positions of power simply because that person is in power! That right there, that is the mindset that leads to dictatorships and discrimination and superiority complexes. Every time someone tells me I should be quiet because I, as a teenager, do not have any thoughts of worth, they are encouraging that very mindset!

 

Are we blind to the connotations of this way of thinking? What if the people with authority are not correct? What if their opinions are hateful and destructive? What if we consider for a moment that, maybe, just maybe, the powerful are not always right? What if our leaders are not infallible? What if they are stalling progress?

 

Humans were given the ability to think for themselves and the ability communicate those thoughts. Whether you believe these are blessings from evolution and adaptation or from an all-powerful creator or anything in between, you must understand we have this capacity for free thinking for a  _ reason _ . And I personally don’t feel that the reason is so that we can try and stamp it out of others.

 

I wish I could pinpoint the moment the people decided my virtues had turned to vice so that I could go back and tell myself to be wary. I could tell that little child to be prepared because things were about to change. I could warn them that they would soon fall out of favor in the eyes of mighty, and I could tell them that there was nothing wrong with that. That they didn’t need to worry or be uncertain of themselves for this. I could tell them they weren’t wrong or bad. I could spare them so much heartache that this system of control and manipulation has caused them.

 

I could tell them to be strong and hold on because things were about to get ugly and complicated, and they were going to have to use all those things that caused them pain to fight and keep fighting.


End file.
